Beauty is wat it aint
Beauty doesnt jus shinne
It glows
As if like a hot burning fire
A wild fire
An angry man who onced loved
Beauty
Can it have more meaning
Beauty is Ugly
YOu can walk a thin line
You might not find beauty you might jus find nothing
Cuz if it seems there its not
Its a thin line between you and the world
Beauty is the night sky falling
as if there is no light
is it too heavy....
Beauty jus doesnt come
Beauty jus doesnt go
It lingers it strikes
You never know when where how
It can, it will
But by then we all die
There is no beauty
There never was.
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I can't decide if the grammar mistakes add to the piece or detract from it. On one hand it hurts your credibility (how can I take this dude seriously if he can't spell shine?)- but at the same time it gives your poem a sense of authenticity. It gives your poem a distinct voice. Wat, jus, aint, cuz. These help me see the speaker of the poem (which isn't necessarily YOU). This is good...and could be great if you focus on a specific idea. You bounce around and speak of beauty as many different things. Be careful not to get too philosophical (ex: "Its a thin line between you and the world"). Who/what is this poem about? The angry man who once loved? The night sky? Death? I'm understanding from your poem that "beauty is wat it ain't"- but focus on something instead of trying to capture everything. (Sorry for rambling).
ReplyDeletewell. I would have to agree with Carl.
ReplyDeletethe grammar...is not very well at all.
well you dont even know me and where i came from!!!! (Norma Jean) i happen to like the way it is
ReplyDeleteI think we all need to step back and take a good few thousands breaths. First I've notice is that Turd as never insulted you so why insult him? Second we need to remember not everyone is as educated as the next everyone.
ReplyDeleteStyke Out